Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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