I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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