life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
