i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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