I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
