I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
