i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
