Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
