This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
