I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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