he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
