as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
