Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
