he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
