is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
