How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
