help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
