If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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