How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You work out of a Hotel?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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