Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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