hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
