he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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