You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
