you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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