Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
