Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
