He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
