am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So much rum. So many feels.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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