Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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