i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
