i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
