I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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