You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He felt like a one man threesome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
