Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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