at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
