i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
