If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
