If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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