Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
