I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
