was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Randomize
