Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
