I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
