What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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