I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
