I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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