i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
