I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
