Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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