SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
